Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Not my will, but thine, Be Done

Not My Will, but Thine, Be Done

My third example highlights the importance of recognizing and accepting the will of God in our lives. Several years ago there was a young father who had been active in the Church as a boy but had chosen a different path during his teenage years. After serving in the military, he married a lovely girl, and soon children blessed their home.
One day without warning their little four-year-old daughter became critically ill and was hospitalized. In desperation and for the first time in many years, the father was found on his knees in prayer, asking that the life of his daughter be spared. Yet her condition worsened. Gradually, this father sensed that his little girl would not live, and slowly his prayers changed; he no longer prayed for healing but rather for understanding. “Let Thy will be done” was now the manner of his pleadings.
Soon his daughter was in a coma, and the father knew her hours on earth were few. Fortified with understanding, trust, and power beyond their own, the young parents prayed again, asking for the opportunity to hold her close once more while she was awake. The daughter’s eyes opened, and her frail arms reached out to her parents for one final embrace. And then she was gone. This father knew their prayers had been answered—a kind, compassionate Father in Heaven had comforted their hearts. God’s will had been done, and they had gained understanding. (Adapted from H. Burke Peterson, “Adversity and Prayer,” Ensign, Jan. 1974, 18.)

Saturday, May 23, 2015


I remember as a kid looking at what my granpa told me were angel kisses all over my body. Moles and freckles. It was around the time I was learning about constellations. If they were angel kisses that made a lot of sense to me because several of my freckles looked exactly like my favorite constellations.
My mom caught me in the tub several times with pens or markers connecting the dots trying to see just how much my body aligned with the stars.

This thought came to me when i realized a major mole was removed during the reshaping of my armpits. They were worried it was going to be cancerous from an early age because it kept getting so big. I do not miss the big mole and Thankfully while in the shower suffering from anxiety and grief of my missing body parts I realize now that looking at the constellations on my arm without even acknowledging why or that what it was had brought me comfort.

now here is something else quite strange. The constellation on my arm happens to be on the state flag I now reside in. I wonder if I Christ had a star that led to him if people followed this constellation if it would lead them to me. No I am not claiming to be any near what he is but I fancy any similarities. I am always looking for signs that he is thinking of me and loves me. I am hoping I am always trying to show him the same.

I also remember sharing with my half sister my constellations and we discussed our angel kisses because my sister is a red head and she was not as fond of hers as I am of mine. I told her oh she had so many more angels looking after her than I did and she was really loved. we found out them we also had matching or extremely very similar birthmarks. which of course was very exciting being half sisters made us feel more of a bond with each other.

I grew up surrounded by red heads covered with angel kisses I was a blonde and what made mine special was that mine were constellations.

Saturday, April 18, 2015

You asked for disease?..... hehe YEP, sort of

I had prayed to loose weight and to do anything that would motivate me to do so.

I prayed to ease Christs burden in anyway I could if I can take upon his name let me help take upon his pain. Yes I am aware we do not have to go that far because his suffering already happened but I also think that That the beginning and the end knows all and he may of known and I was willing and eased it for his son. Though I know its probably not the point but it my way of showing of affection and it gives me strength. I know heavenly father has his purpose for me but this is my way of feeling like I am fulfilling a purpose too. No matter what I know my pain and endurance is righteous even if its fulfilling only heavenly fathers plan.

I also asked that all family curses ( if there is a such thing) would end with me. To help stop the long line of abuse and other illnesses and give it all to me so my child could live a Happy life. She is not exactly healthy either having Schonlein Purpura and allergies to dust mites and few animals plus ADHD and few learning challenges and extreme learning strengths.

I will continue to add on here as I remember them. I am sure there is more and that is the reason why Heavenly Father felt that I could handle it and serve his purpose for me even if it was absorbency of pain for others. A gift which I felt I always had.

The 5 Stages of Loss and Grief | Psych Central

The 5 Stages of Loss and Grief | Psych Central

Why I am sharing this? Its about death what does it have to do with me?
I seen so many people morn their own lives.
I have done it and even when I mourned my life I mourned again after having pieces of my body removed. It also gave me extreme anxiety to face my reality.

As anyone who has faced the loss of a loved one we too will experience all the same symptoms even though we are not dead.
I also experienced the stages of grief when my daughter was diagnosed with special needs. I started out in denial swearing it was a misdiagnoses.
same with my disease.
Then laid blame by shaming myself of all my wrongs and what made me deserve it.
A tidbit
It took a good lecture from a nurse to tell me
YOU DID NOT ASK FOR YOUR DISEASE.... ( in an off sort of way I sort of did in strange prayer request to Heavenly Father but I am odd and I am sure others were not as crazy as me and I did not specifically ask for a disease but it sure did make me do everything I asked for)
The disease gave you bills and appointments and special diet. you did not choose it.
ITS NOT WHO YOU ARE! you are a nice, caring person who does good by others. ( aww thank you * blushes*)
Then she apologizes. "I take offense you apologized when speaking the words of the spirit who was using you as a mouthpiece." and I said it just like that. It was her turn to blush.
A tidbit done

Anyway the point is the grief stages are true and they will be worked through until you feel better and there is no shame asking your doctor for help if you are experiencing depression or can not get over a stage of grief once you realize it.

My dietary choices

I was an obese woman who very short and ate her feelings and was suffering with depression from her painful disease. I weighed two times more than I did when I was pregnant with my first child.
I had tried many diets and exercise regimens.

My disease got so painful I couldn't move anymore. Doctors said loosing weight affects my disease and even though many others who have this disease disagree with that, I agreed with the docs. Watching a cyst boil up through all that thick fat took time and made them real deep. Since I was not aware of my 2nd disease at the time I thought it was my weight preventing me from moving and I had lost the strength to move my own weight.

Lots of praying and fasting about eating and being healthy occurred, Lots and lots of research waiting for the spirit to give me a sign of what will work for me and my body.

I came across a girl with an autoimmune disorder who blogged about her diet and what worked for her and the spirit  seemed to make the blogger sing to me. I found other bloggers with similar diets that worked for there diseases too.  Now to be fair I will let you know in advance I do suspect that blogger of being LDS like me.

In her blog she was all about going Gluten free in another it was all about Paleo. I was like oh I recognize this I tried a similar diet called The 14 day diet. It did not work for me because I thought I was having withdrawals from grains. The spirit though said do this. Then out of the blue a pop up occurred on my computer about sugar. It explained people have withdrawals from sugar because of candida. Instead of seeing the obvious I look up candida because it was also good timing I was suffering real badly of all kinds of fungus situations and even suspected my disease might actually be a fungus too and maybe I was misdiagnosed.

I go on the candida diet and heed its warning of candida die off and the toxins it releases when it dies.
Several of my awful symptoms were from candida. I followed the plan and got tons better after suffering from die off for three days. ii had mass energy return me. Then i got it into my head this diet was dandy but i just needed really good probiotics to keep candida in check but heres the thing:Probiotics are expensive and remembering to take them twice a day was hard.
i had even researched the natural method of getting them but remember i do not have mobility or energy to make them. however sauerkraut was super fun to make.
 I came across a health website of diets for autoimmune diseases and finally went gluten free. it was easy because several friends of mine in the church were gluten free too and I would cook for them and did my research on their dietary needs. I loved it because now they could come over and eat what I was eating and we could share recipes. It made church potlucks way more enjoyable.

a lil tidbit
I was a cook in the Army and I also had worked for a Sanitation and food company as well as a catering company that had me run my own kitchen on the Train for a summer. while working those jobs I was approached about being a nutritionist by two different people. The one for a hospital making foods special order for dietary needs and The welfare office. i giggle as i write this because years later i have an issue with a welfare dietician after my mass amounts of research on diets.
End of tidbit
Ok now I am Gluten free and taking probiotics and I still do not feel as good as I did when I was on the Candida diet.
Then I get strep throat and my disease just disappears. My wounds start healing super fast my lumps go away but my throat is real bad. real real bad. I take medicine for the strep and my disease returns with a vengeance. Its a whole new stage.
I am trying herbs, I am on pain pills, I am gluten free on probiotics, taking tons of vitamins and supplements and even drinking strange fruit juice that is believed to fight cancer. Drinking alkaline waters and a bunch of other things. I even started heading to my first step in the right direction of cutting out sodas that were made with sugar and used stevia instead.
I got real big on the oils because I could not wear deodorant  not having much of armpits anymore and the fact they helped keep my wounds free of infection.
I was still looking though. Then one day a lady friend of mine came up to me and says I hope I am not intruding on privacy or anything but I would really like to introduce you to dietician of mine and your first visit would be free because I recommended you to him. She told me how he had saved her husbands life with a diet plan and her and her husband had a lot of spunk for thier age.
Finally after a long while I make an appointment. He has me fill out a worksheet. Why I do not know because I am pretty sure his diet plan is the same for everyone.

Guess what Its super easy. Its super cheap. You loose tons of weight FAST! Its super Healthy and it follows the LDS words of wisdom.
You will start of with the elimination diet...... but I had already done it.
So all that was left was to follow his instructions. Eat an all natural diet. No preservatives, no science word ingrediants, no coloring. No milling, no processed foods. For me also no corn, no soy, and sugar is processed he reminds so no sugar either. Heres the bummer too. Most Cocoa is processed. No more chocolate either.
All foods must be in its natural state fresh, frozen,dried, or preserved with an all natural whole food or mineral.
Guess what folks this means your grocery store begins to look ridiculously big and holds lots of garbage foods. You will shop spices, freezer, meats and produce. Since fruit can not be ground or blended no juice, just water or fruit pieces in your water.
Lemonade became a cheat for me with honey or maple syrup oh yah watered down lemonade was sooooooo good.
dehydrated yogurt raisins or nuts is my favorite snack along with flash dried veggies that I eat at the movies in place of corn.
 I am spoiled in the summer with baked peaches and apples with butter and honey and cinnamon. oooh yah :D