The Magical Cervix

 I went to the Gynacologists on Friday and got bad news. Bad news comes in threes so I also found out my Grandma was in the hospital.This triggered me and caused me to tick off my sister who tells me she respects this womans and I should not be sharing what happened to me by her. 

well OOps I am sharing.

This of course had me triggered severely. You see when my mom abandoned me and kicked me out after trying to prostitute me, I went to go live with my Dads mom.

If she did not want me there she should have just said so. I could never do anything right no matter how tried.Whenever something bad happened to me I was told I deserved it.
On the 3 day bus trip to my Grandmas I cleaned up. I stopped smoking and drinking. My family for some reason thinks I was major drug using but actually the reason why my mom kicked me out was because I caught her boyfriend using heroin. All the belts were in his room and all the spoons in the house were black.

When I got to my grandmas after living in the situations I was in with my mother I was pregnant. The night I lost the baby I was bleeding so bad I was going through pads like crazy. Did my grandma care? No she tells me she has company and is not going to waste her time taking me to the hospital, That I should get in the tub and let it flow. So I did. I told her I felt something there. She told me to take it out and flush it. So I flushed my baby and cried and I did it alone because I was told I deserved it. 

Soon after I was taken to a Gynecologist that my Aunt worked for. I had never seen one before. Now you should know I started being raped at an early age, I just lost this baby, this Gynecologist tells me after an examination that I am virgin so there was no way I lost a baby. I asked him right out if my Aunt paid him to say to that. He refused to discuss anything more with me saying he was going to discuss all my medical with my Aunt. Which is probably a good thing because I was just about to tell him about sexual history of numerous rapes and why I knew he was a huge liar. That out of all those boys that none of them reached their destination?

My Grandma always made everything a competition. She tried talking bad about my sister one time and it was the first time I ever laid into her. She should have known better. She seen me protect my sister against her brother who thought it was funny to tickle us till we peed our pants. This is probably when grandma started her first grudge against me. She got pissed because her brother would not leave my sister alone and she would cry to me at night telling me how he scared her. So I told him the next time he grabbed my sister that no means no.
was my grandma proud I defended my sister, No, I get chewed out the next couple of days about making false accusations against her brother. My grandma would stay in that kitchen even when us kids were crying maybe because we couldnt help but laugh she thought it was funny.  Till this day I cant be tickled without defending myself. .I hate being tickled.
Did my grandma get all defensive like that because she knew I was being raped at home or was she just defending her brother like I would my sister?

After defending my sister like that it was always why cant you be more like your sister? I already admired my sister. My sister was one of the strongest people I know. I did need to compete with her because I loved her. But I was always told about why couldnt I get her grades? Why couldnt I be more quiet like my sister? The little rubs all the time. Did she not know the only time my Sister and I saw each other was when WE set it up. Not my dad. My sister would call me telling me she did not want to be alone with Dads wife but wanted to see dad and could I please come and stay too. Of course I loved my angel kissed sister and could not tell her no, But grandma always spoke to me like she was trying to drive a wedge between us.
but she did not have to worry I did that all on my own just speaking the facts about her because my sister likes my grandmas lies and manipulations. 
She was not the major disappointment or as Grandma told me I disgrace the Gibson name.
Grandma ended up saying something in town about me and she must have ticked that lady off. That lady liked me. She worked at my school and seen me every day. actually seen me and talked to me. At this point I was only spoken to by grandma to be scolded or told how disappointing I was. The lady tells me. Get her to tell you the story of how she met your grandpa. Pay attention to the dates. Grandma married Grandpa after a couple of months of knowing him because she was already pregnant.
well after that her telling me I was disgracing my Grandpas last name was not going to fly with me. I asked her if my uncle was grandpas and she told me to ask Grandpa. I don't think she thought he knew. because Grandpa Said " I love him like you love your step dad" OH wow. All of a sudden she was so mad I asked Grandpa. How dare I upset him like that. What? weird. Grandpa was very calm about it. but I think I was getting chewed out because she did not expect he knew or she thought he would lie to me.
Anyways I know I never said anything to anyone about it. I did tell everyone I was surprised to see my Uncle alive because soon after that incident my Grandma told me my uncle died in Germany of Aids. 
I think he must have questioned it or something. 
However I am told he was Smart and confronted Grandma Sisters about who she thought his dad was because either Grandma would not tell him or he was too smart and too scared to ask her.
Its funny after I kicked out my Aunts and Uncles told me how lucky I was I was not treated like they were as kids. Man oh man. I am surprised my Aunts and Uncles are sane.I was whipped with the belt 1 time while I was there and I knew I deserved it. I played the piano while Grandpa was watching the news. Whewee.He wacked me 3 times because he said he would do it till I cried out. so I faked it. My heart was hurt and what hurt most was that grandpa would do that to me. I was more shell shocked to first two wacks. but at least I knew why I was being hit which was something I had never experienced before.I did not cry because it hurt I cried because I broke my heart. I was petrified Grandpa was going to hate me like everyone else did.

Not my will, but thine, Be Done

Not My Will, but Thine, Be Done

My third example highlights the importance of recognizing and accepting the will of God in our lives. Several years ago there was a young father who had been active in the Church as a boy but had chosen a different path during his teenage years. After serving in the military, he married a lovely girl, and soon children blessed their home.

One day without warning their little four-year-old daughter became critically ill and was hospitalized. In desperation and for the first time in many years, the father was found on his knees in prayer, asking that the life of his daughter be spared. Yet her condition worsened. Gradually, this father sensed that his little girl would not live, and slowly his prayers changed; he no longer prayed for healing but rather for understanding. “Let Thy will be done” was now the manner of his pleadings.

Soon his daughter was in a coma, and the father knew her hours on earth were few. Fortified with understanding, trust, and power beyond their own, the young parents prayed again, asking for the opportunity to hold her close once more while she was awake. The daughter’s eyes opened, and her frail arms reached out to her parents for one final embrace. And then she was gone. This father knew their prayers had been answered—a kind, compassionate Father in Heaven had comforted their hearts. God’s will had been done, and they had gained understanding. (Adapted from H. Burke Peterson, “Adversity and Prayer,” Ensign, Jan. 1974, 18.)

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/04/ask-in-faith?lang=eng&_r=1

College place

I was just thinking of me in my teens. many people do not know I was for a short time living in a house with drugs going in and out of it. People bragged about their shroom or acid trips and all the spoons in the house had permanent black stains on them. Every belt in the house was stashed in one room.
I was encouraged to drink and forced to smoke pot.
We lived with several people who were released from jail for being con artist.
I am writing this in hopes of getting over some deep dark nasties in my life so you may not want to read this if you are a part of my family.
1. I was forced to drugs
2. I was allowed to have sex
3. My mother's boyfriend tried to force himself on me and when I escaped he raced back to mom and said I hit on him and told him I was going to tell my mom he forced himself on me if he did not have sex with me. My mother believed him.
4. my mother had sex with my boyfriend in the very same room I was in  and told me I deserved it.
5.The people in my house pulled a con a nursing home. They switched out a will and testiment to a woman they said they put asleep by giving her too much morphine.
I found out about it by reading the typewriter tape my mom had only thrown in the trash can.when my mother was trying to destroy evidence. I laughed at her and told her they could use her typewriter as evidence by comparing the typed letters. So she made me go outside and burn the tape and they smashed her typewriter and threw it away.
That night my moms boyfriend who was supposedly a champion boxer in prison comes up to me and threatens me that I bettered never talk or he would use his boxing skills on me. He told me he was not going to move unless I said I would never tell and I understood he was a threat. I said prove it. He raised his fists and did the same jab maneuver he always did and I ducked and weaved and then walked right into him throwing out both my hands shoved him like he was a heavy bolder. I was a farm girl and he was a tiny man. He went flying backwards and through a window to the outside. I yelled at him do not ever threaten me again. My mom comes running in yelling at me protecting her boyfriend. He was the adult I am the kid and she is still yelling at me when he started the fight. Fortunately my moms boyfriend who i think also peed his pants said he deserved because he threw the first punch. Started talking about how he was impressed because no one had ever gotten by him in prison and he did not go easy on me. while he was telling my mom all this I went grabbed all the stuff my mom had gave me ripped up took it outside and threw on the fire. Then I grabbed a pack of smokes and went on a walk where I was stopped by the cops who were not concerned if I was ok they threatened to give me a fine for smoking and were ticked I was ignoring them.
I went to a park ran into an old boyfriend who made it very clear he found me disgusting because I smoked. That did not make me feel better so I headed back home. There were police cars in front of the house. Then they left as I was showing up. The house reeked of pot and my mom's boyfriend was all laughing and bragging about having the cops in the palms of his hands and they had been sitting there smoking a bowl with them till a call dragged them off somewhere else and they would not be bugging me about smoking anymore.
They even helped my mom board up her window.

Living Beyond ‘What If?’ By Cambry Kaylor- LINK

https://www.lds.org/blog/living-beyond-what-if?lang=eng

Elder Koichi Aoyagi

Constellations

I remember as a kid looking at what my granpa told me were angel kisses all over my body. Moles and freckles. It was around the time I was learning about constellations. If they were angel kisses that made a lot of sense to me because several of my freckles looked exactly like my favorite constellations.
My mom caught me in the tub several times with pens or markers connecting the dots trying to see just how much my body aligned with the stars.

This thought came to me when i realized a major mole was removed during the reshaping of my armpits. They were worried it was going to be cancerous from an early age because it kept getting so big. I do not miss the big mole and Thankfully while in the shower suffering from anxiety and grief of my missing body parts I realize now that looking at the constellations on my arm without even acknowledging why or that what it was had brought me comfort.

now here is something else quite strange. The constellation on my arm happens to be on the state flag I now reside in. I wonder if I Christ had a star that led to him if people followed this constellation if it would lead them to me. No I am not claiming to be any near what he is but I fancy any similarities. I am always looking for signs that he is thinking of me and loves me. I am hoping I am always trying to show him the same.

I also remember sharing with my half sister my constellations and we discussed our angel kisses because my sister is a red head and she was not as fond of hers as I am of mine. I told her oh she had so many more angels looking after her than I did and she was really loved. we found out them we also had matching or extremely very similar birthmarks. which of course was very exciting being half sisters made us feel more of a bond with each other.

I grew up surrounded by red heads covered with angel kisses I was a blonde and what made mine special was that mine were constellations.

You asked for disease?..... hehe YEP, sort of

I had prayed to loose weight and to do anything that would motivate me to do so.

I prayed to ease Christs burden in anyway I could if I can take upon his name let me help take upon his pain. Yes I am aware we do not have to go that far because his suffering already happened but I also think that That the beginning and the end knows all and he may of known and I was willing and eased it for his son. Though I know its probably not the point but it my way of showing of affection and it gives me strength. I know heavenly father has his purpose for me but this is my way of feeling like I am fulfilling a purpose too. No matter what I know my pain and endurance is righteous even if its fulfilling only heavenly fathers plan.

I also asked that all family curses ( if there is a such thing) would end with me. To help stop the long line of abuse and other illnesses and give it all to me so my child could live a Happy life. She is not exactly healthy either having Schonlein Purpura and allergies to dust mites and few animals plus ADHD and few learning challenges and extreme learning strengths.

I will continue to add on here as I remember them. I am sure there is more and that is the reason why Heavenly Father felt that I could handle it and serve his purpose for me even if it was absorbency of pain for others. A gift which I felt I always had.

The 5 Stages of Loss and Grief | Psych Central

The 5 Stages of Loss and Grief | Psych Central

Why I am sharing this? Its about death what does it have to do with me?
I seen so many people morn their own lives.
I have done it and even when I mourned my life I mourned again after having pieces of my body removed. It also gave me extreme anxiety to face my reality.

As anyone who has faced the loss of a loved one we too will experience all the same symptoms even though we are not dead.
I also experienced the stages of grief when my daughter was diagnosed with special needs. I started out in denial swearing it was a misdiagnoses.
same with my disease.
Then laid blame by shaming myself of all my wrongs and what made me deserve it.
A tidbit
It took a good lecture from a nurse to tell me
YOU ARE NOT THE DISEASE!
YOU ARE YOU AND YOU HAVE A DISEASE!
YOU DID NOT ASK FOR YOUR DISEASE.... ( in an off sort of way I sort of did in strange prayer request to Heavenly Father but I am odd and I am sure others were not as crazy as me and I did not specifically ask for a disease but it sure did make me do everything I asked for)
The disease gave you bills and appointments and special diet. you did not choose it.
ITS NOT WHO YOU ARE! you are a nice, caring person who does good by others. ( aww thank you * blushes*)
Then she apologizes. "I take offense you apologized when speaking the words of the spirit who was using you as a mouthpiece." and I said it just like that. It was her turn to blush.
A tidbit done

Anyway the point is the grief stages are true and they will be worked through until you feel better and there is no shame asking your doctor for help if you are experiencing depression or can not get over a stage of grief once you realize it.

My dietary choices

I was an obese woman who very short and ate her feelings and was suffering with depression from her painful disease. I weighed two times more than I did when I was pregnant with my first child.
I had tried many diets and exercise regimens.

My disease got so painful I couldn't move anymore. Doctors said loosing weight affects my disease and even though many others who have this disease disagree with that, I agreed with the docs. Watching a cyst boil up through all that thick fat took time and made them real deep. Since I was not aware of my 2nd disease at the time I thought it was my weight preventing me from moving and I had lost the strength to move my own weight.

Lots of praying and fasting about eating and being healthy occurred, Lots and lots of research waiting for the spirit to give me a sign of what will work for me and my body.

I came across a girl with an autoimmune disorder who blogged about her diet and what worked for her and the spirit  seemed to make the blogger sing to me. I found other bloggers with similar diets that worked for there diseases too.  Now to be fair I will let you know in advance I do suspect that blogger of being LDS like me.

In her blog she was all about going Gluten free in another it was all about Paleo. I was like oh I recognize this I tried a similar diet called The 14 day diet. It did not work for me because I thought I was having withdrawals from grains. The spirit though said do this. Then out of the blue a pop up occurred on my computer about sugar. It explained people have withdrawals from sugar because of candida. Instead of seeing the obvious I look up candida because it was also good timing I was suffering real badly of all kinds of fungus situations and even suspected my disease might actually be a fungus too and maybe I was misdiagnosed.

I go on the candida diet and heed its warning of candida die off and the toxins it releases when it dies.
Several of my awful symptoms were from candida. I followed the plan and got tons better after suffering from die off for three days. ii had mass energy return me. Then i got it into my head this diet was dandy but i just needed really good probiotics to keep candida in check but heres the thing:Probiotics are expensive and remembering to take them twice a day was hard.
i had even researched the natural method of getting them but remember i do not have mobility or energy to make them. however sauerkraut was super fun to make.
 I came across a health website of diets for autoimmune diseases and finally went gluten free. it was easy because several friends of mine in the church were gluten free too and I would cook for them and did my research on their dietary needs. I loved it because now they could come over and eat what I was eating and we could share recipes. It made church potlucks way more enjoyable.

a lil tidbit
I was a cook in the Army and I also had worked for a Sanitation and food company as well as a catering company that had me run my own kitchen on the Train for a summer. while working those jobs I was approached about being a nutritionist by two different people. The one for a hospital making foods special order for dietary needs and The welfare office. i giggle as i write this because years later i have an issue with a welfare dietician after my mass amounts of research on diets.
End of tidbit
Ok now I am Gluten free and taking probiotics and I still do not feel as good as I did when I was on the Candida diet.
Then I get strep throat and my disease just disappears. My wounds start healing super fast my lumps go away but my throat is real bad. real real bad. I take medicine for the strep and my disease returns with a vengeance. Its a whole new stage.
I am trying herbs, I am on pain pills, I am gluten free on probiotics, taking tons of vitamins and supplements and even drinking strange fruit juice that is believed to fight cancer. Drinking alkaline waters and a bunch of other things. I even started heading to my first step in the right direction of cutting out sodas that were made with sugar and used stevia instead.
I got real big on the oils because I could not wear deodorant  not having much of armpits anymore and the fact they helped keep my wounds free of infection.
I was still looking though. Then one day a lady friend of mine came up to me and says I hope I am not intruding on privacy or anything but I would really like to introduce you to dietician of mine and your first visit would be free because I recommended you to him. She told me how he had saved her husbands life with a diet plan and her and her husband had a lot of spunk for thier age.
Finally after a long while I make an appointment. He has me fill out a worksheet. Why I do not know because I am pretty sure his diet plan is the same for everyone.

Guess what Its super easy. Its super cheap. You loose tons of weight FAST! Its super Healthy and it follows the LDS words of wisdom.
You will start of with the elimination diet...... but I had already done it.
So all that was left was to follow his instructions. Eat an all natural diet. No preservatives, no science word ingrediants, no coloring. No milling, no processed foods. For me also no corn, no soy, and sugar is processed he reminds so no sugar either. Heres the bummer too. Most Cocoa is processed. No more chocolate either.
All foods must be in its natural state fresh, frozen,dried, or preserved with an all natural whole food or mineral.
Guess what folks this means your grocery store begins to look ridiculously big and holds lots of garbage foods. You will shop spices, freezer, meats and produce. Since fruit can not be ground or blended no juice, just water or fruit pieces in your water.
Lemonade became a cheat for me with honey or maple syrup oh yah watered down lemonade was sooooooo good.
dehydrated yogurt raisins or nuts is my favorite snack along with flash dried veggies that I eat at the movies in place of corn.
 I am spoiled in the summer with baked peaches and apples with butter and honey and cinnamon. oooh yah :D

The will to live and have a purpose

A missionary told me of woman who was disfigured from trying to commit suicide. I was thinking if her trials were not bad enough. However she now has the will to live.

My mother in law has asked to me journal about losing my will to live when I was suffering. She thinks I was strong and will encourage others but folks here is the truth. I seriously felt I was a burden and that my disease made tired and stressed and fell easier to temptation. I could not keep a temple like home.
 Put anything to my marriage and my child who had soo much energy was sleeping from taking care of her mama and her father who thought she was to step up and take care of my half of the chores.I may not of physically tried to take my life but I went to bed hoping I would not wake up and went to surgery feeling safe to go to the spirit world. Which I think freaked my husbands mom out the most, Including the fact that I have journals all over the house with testimonies or letters to her just incase and was done years before diagnoses of my disease.This is what I figure.1. I was probably in need of atonement really bad before he could take me at the time.2. I was not educated enough to teach in the spirit world yet.Heres what else I know.
 In my life. I have drowned twice that I remember and one time died. I know I visited my uncle levert who told me it was not my time yet and to go back and lots of people who looked similar to grandma  greeted me. They wanted me stay, but go, and told me they loved me, and would be waiting. I floated back down and I watched my mom give up on giving me CPR and my sister  take over.

 I don't remember what it was I did. I do remember hearing hearing the metal scrape. The cold round spot on my head. The loud clack that caused me to pee my pants with then made her cock it and pull the trigger several more times and then yell at about she thought he kept it loaded and he apologized that he cleaned it the night before. When she realized I wet myself carried me by my hair to the shower where she hurriedly took off my clothes and stabbed my stomach with her fingernail and I got in trouble for getting blood everywhere. I have a scar from that puncture.
YEP, My step dad always kept it loaded. He had cleaned it the night before and forgot to reload it. He did not know why my mom was yelling at him about it not being loaded when he told her that. She tried to keep it secret of what she done except I had peed my pants. So she was trying to get me bathe super fast to wash my clothes and hide what she had done. In the process she stabbed me with her nail while jerking me around. What real bad is I have no idea what I did. I do remember thinking it was because I was not a boy and my step dad favored boys ( according to my mom). Thats why I was always acting like a tom boy. The more of a boy I was the happier and more satisfied my mother was.

 I was almost ran over by a car once. I say almost because an angel lifted me up and over the car and gently set me down. I remember feeling the voice saying jump I got you. I remember the man stopping his car and seeing I was perfectly fine and I told him of the angel and he agreed it was.

 I Have over dosed. I no longer was loved by anyone. I was just there. My brother told me he hated me. My mother. Her x husband accused me it was because of me she found out he was cheating with my best friend's mom. I cant remember what else it was pretty sad. My brother who hated me saved my life. I remembered all those times mom refused to take me to the hospital. My ear half torn or what not and thought," man I bettered think of something quick so they don't hospitalize me." So I said I was trying to get rid of a cold faster. Epicac and charcoal. Good stuff. NOT!

ok lets skip all the in between stuff there is lots more lets get to more recent.

The poison that may of most likely help trigger my disease. I was sick for two week's but sad for her I lived. It weakened my immune system so much I got adult chicken pox. There called something else.

 My disease eating my body left raw meat exposed. This in turn causes toxicity. Heavenly father heard my prayers and sent me ideas for diets and people to help with that.Those diets kept my body flushed and even nutrition and vitamins were actually leaking out of my body the diet kept me alive.(this is an assumption and may change as I learn more which happens often and I get more facts in and the miracle becomes more clear )

Surgeon saves me from toxicity. At this time I have a never ending yeast infection. Occasionally treated for staph that was normal stuff that couldn't hurt anyone but my body refused to fight it.

I woke every day. I was inspired to live. I always felt loved even when I was exhausted. He just didn't take me though he could have but he continually told me have faith in me. You have a purpose. Be strong for me. I know your pain.

On the surgery table my anesthesiologist had to work with my now teeny body that was last weighed when I was heavier. A nurse sat by my bed and reminded me to breath it was not my time to go. I must of listened...or did I and I was not allowed to go?

However I do feel my time is soon. The lord tells me this healing is temporary. He tells me to prepare my family and my home. He must be telling my mother in law as well. 
All these chances he has given me to try again to be the daughter I want to be for him. I hope it aligns with the daughter he wants me to be because he sure has worked many miracles to keep me around.
Seriously!
So be strong. Be strong enough to not be healed if its his will. He has a plan and it might be missionary work in the spirit world or your spirit mate.

We all have a purpose. we all have timeline for it. 
Some get many chances like me but others may not. Heavenly Father takes you at your best. You don't.

A lil tidbit

You know it all sounds bad but I think it made me strong.

 When I was in the military One of the Drill Sergeants hated my guts and I did not know because I seriously admired him to pieces. He was a short little man who was super strong. Turns out they called me in the office one day to ask why I was not scared of them like the rest of the newbies.
 I gave them a checklist.
 #1.You have to feed me at least once a day with an MRE I have gone hungry and lived off a candy bar and a soda for a long time.
 #2. You Have to provide a roof over my head even if its a tent. I have been homeless and slept on fairground bleachers and it was cold. 
#3. You cant hit me like they use to. My grandpa is deaf in one ear from his basic training and I still decided to join. If you do decide to hit me. you will meet my mom and no one is as scary as my mom. They stopped picking on me after that.

End of tidbit

Growing is HS knowledge pdf.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0By0WQQFkS7TfMGMyU2Y5cXJCSkE/view?usp=sharing

PDF file to this to make it bigger is above the picture.

I was given this file on HS support site that was private we were given permission to share the file to spread awareness of our conditions.

Where to begin??

Where do I begin to even start explaining my life?
My childhood abuse?
My multiple sexual abuses?
My teen years of being pushed away and being homeless?
My life in the Army?
Getting married to an abusive man and not finding out till years later and more after divorce?
Remarrying in an already made family that had no discipline at all?
How many times I have almost died from suicide to attempts on my life?
My first sign and Symptoms of my disease?

Aww lets start There......

A very stressful moment is suppose to trigger my disease. For some its menopause for others its a life challenge.
It all started with what I thought what I found was an ingrown hair.

My condition is called Hidradenitis Suppurativa

When I finally realized that scrubbing it with Epsom salts and plucking or using a pumice stone was not making it better but actually worse I went to see a doctor. I was in fear that I had some how from my past encounters had received a sexually transmitted disease.

Here is a little inside tidbit.
 My faith in Heavenly father had only just returned for not very long  when I broke out extensively. I was being tested and tried and something was trying really hard for me to continue to stay mad at the Lord. For Three long years I was mad that my children were given to a man who had allegedly raped his sisters, had very strange requests for gratifications, and said he was forced by his father to watch his gratifications in order to become a man. I couldnt believe me who was trying to get right with the lord had her children taken from her and given to a child molester because he was still in the Army and I was not. During my time with him he refused me contact with family and friends and now he has my children and I knew I would never see them again.
My Bishop at the time made the mistake of saying he would help me. All the advice they gave was stuff I had already done on my own. It was not helpful in anyway. I was told to try again and I did with the exact same responses as before. It seemed my Bishops responses of help were just talk and no follow through.
I was mad for three years and fell back into old bad habits and even was given a new temptation..... well it was not new but it was stronger than before and with a vengeance and it was ruining my new marriage.
I came back to the same bishop after my three years of pouting and feeling sorry for myself. I kicked most of my temptations to the curb and told him I was ready to give and receive forgiveness and I had failed my test of Job. The Bishop then said you did not fail your test of Job because you are here and ready to try again that is not failing.

Ok tidbit done

The stronger my faith the faster the disease spread. It got real bad. I was getting blessings. I was praying about finding the right diet. I was obese and cysts were coming through layers of fat and skin and I could not exercise from pain, loss of energy and what I thought was Toxicity causing all my joints to swell. I even went in told my doctor to test me for Lupus. Then finally they decided to put me on pain management regimen when my nerves were being ate away and I had a hole in my body that was not healing that was way bigger than a bullet wound and was very deep. I was on a very strict diet and researched and researched Foods and herbs and probiotics and more with prayer and blessings searching and searching for answers to help me and my body.
After a couple of years and half of my arm and no armpits and holes in my tailbone area I finally found a surgeon willing to remove the damage and perform plastic surgery on my armpits. I know this was a huge blessing because the support forums for my disease I was on my biggest supporters on there several had died from toxicity because they could not get the surgery.

While I was in surgery the doctors could not move my arm to finish the first surgery and they found I had another autoimmune disorder called Cystic Rheumatoid Arthritis.

I am right now currently healing from my surgery. I have ghost pains in my nerves and other areas have no feeling at all. I feel worlds better and cleaner ( even though I shower less now)

That We Might “Not … Shrink”

My strength in hard time

That We Might “Not … Shrink” D&C 1918

http://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/ces-devotionals/2013/01/that-we-might-not-shrink-d-c-19-18?lang=eng